I kneaded today.

Some days are wonderful. I feel like I am living the dream, can't get enough of my kiddos and find the house easy to keep clean and dinner is served on time and everyone loves it. Ok, well, maybe all of that doesn't happen in a single day but it has been known to happen over the coarse of a few making me think that all is right in my world.

Today was not that day.

It started with a grumble because the baby was asleep in the nook of my husbands arm.  And my husband needed to get up. I couldn't just put pillows around the baby as a bumper because my daughter was also asleep in the bed and she just doesn't understand how not to put her limbs on other people, especially a little brother. So, I made the decision to wake my husband, try and move the baby and hope that both daughter and son stayed asleep. It lasted long enough for me to get down stairs, brew a cup of coffee (not drink but just get the coffee in the cup) and then put my bible on the table.  Que the once sleeping daughter. After telling her I would feed her, just like every other morning, the baby started to wake up. Then came dad and finally big brother. And there went my morning.

After a few conversations over egg-in-a-basket, kiss goodbye to my husband, feed child #1 and #2, change child #3, feed child #3, I finally started to drink that cold coffee. Who needs fresh brewed stuff anyways?

Things were a bit of a roller coaster from there with joy-filled moments during home school (see image below where I thought, "ah, he is amazing. I am so glad I made the choice to stay home from the career I loved and keep him home with me so I can watch him discover the world and pour as much love into him as I possibly can.") to considering ducking and pretending he wasn't mine at Chick-fil-a. "No ma'am, that child I just disciplined is not mine. I just felt it my duty to put him in time-out to help out his mother who cannot be found at the moment."

Guys, this parenting and home school stuff isn't for the faint of heart. I have done a lot in my 35 years that has challenged me. Nothing, NOTHING, compares to being a stay at home mom of 3. NOTHING. 

Things just seemed to snowball the rest of the afternoon until I decided it was time to start cooking. I say that I find joy and myself if my hands are in dirt or dough and it is too hot and humid today for dirt so french baguette with dinner it is. I love the recipe in my cooking light cookbook (here) and it doesn't take long. It also didn't take long for God to help me re-focus. 

You are only supposed to knead this dough 4 or 5 times. It went something like this:

Not today Satan. (thud dough on counter)

You don't get my kids. (knead)

You don't get my marriage. (knead) 

You don't get my finances. (knead)

Because my joy doesn't come from them. (knead)

My joy comes from the Lord and you can't take that away from me. (knead) 

I may grow tired, I may feel defeated. I may get frustrated and start to doubt life decisions but I will always come back to joy. Leave me alone. 

I really needed to knead today and as tears fill my eyes I know that my God, He is good. He hears me, He sees me, He knows me and He loves me. No matter what troubles this world brings me and how impossible a day can feel, I know that I am not alone. 

So, go make some bread and I hope God reminds you of all of those things as well.